I came across Charissa’s awesome blog, Blushing Bride’s Guide To __ __ __,  just last week.  I think this topic is something that is, many times, uncomfortable to talk about.  There is an appropriate way to discuss it, I think.  A discreet, and clean way.  The way that God intended it to be.  There is also a dirty, and inappropriate way.  I believe Charissa handles the topic so wonderfully!  

Charissa has set out on an adventure to define her life by her identity in Jesus Christ. In God’s eyes, the old life she once lived is dead {forgotten, gone forever, perished, at the bottom of the ocean} and new life has come {budding, flourishing, fresh, spotless}. Her eyes have beheld her Savior, tasted of His love, and heard His voice. She is convinced that she is His beloved and the apple of His eye. Jesus Christ is revealing His heart to her. He makes everyday an adventure that keeps her running into His arms {the only place where she will ever be satisfied}.

Growing up, although I was naive and sheltered, I had this innate sense that sex was something very beautiful and worth waiting for until marriage. My parents never told me anything, at least nothing that I can remember. My mom and I only started talking about it only a few weeks before my wedding day.

We were driving in the car together probably on our way to pick up more wedding supplies and she asked, “Why do you need to read books on sex?” Obviously she had seen the books I was reading in my bedroom, “The Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds,” and “Sheet Music.”

“There is a lot more to marriage than that… it’s only part of it. Besides, there’s only one way to do it anyways.” 

After a few minutes of awkward questions and short answers, our conversation was over. I love my mom and have always known, despite the fighting and the tears, that her and my dad were, and are, best friends.

But her words got me thinking… why did I think sex was so important? Maybe she was right… I don’t need to read anything about it. Maybe I shouldn’t be… am I sinning? Am I reading about something that is so sacred that I should only let God reveal it to me once I am married? As a bride-to-be was I making a bigger deal out of it than I should? 

However, I just knew that sex was something deeply profound, spiritual, and not to mention, exciting! I was not reading out of sheer curiosity {although I was definitely intrigued}, I was reading so that God could begin to prepare my heart, mind, and body for the lifelong commitment I was making with my husband. I guess you could say, I did not just want a diploma in marriage, but as Gary Thomas wrote in his book, “Sacred Marriage,” I was working toward a PHd in my husband! 

I knew the wisdom I was searching for about sex and married life would not happen overnight. It certainly wouldn’t happen through just reading books, listening to sermons, or talking to older women. The mystery of marriage was far deeper than words could ever explain. The real lessons would begin after my husband and I said our vows, in the practical everyday experience of married life. 

I asked Him to wipe away the images of my baby-sitter showing me a book on sexual positions that she had found in her parents study room. Sex was more than just pages of mechanical procedures. 

I asked him to remove the childish mindset I latched onto when my health teacher made the whole class say, “penis” out loud. Also in that same class sex I needed to erase the memories of all of us 16 year olds learning where the g-spot was on a woman… as if sex was just another casual, ordinary human function like going to the bathroom and any person at any age could handle it! 

I asked Him to help me release the shyness and extreme modesty I had that stemmed from the way my body looked. The endless years I engaged in of comparing boobs, skin, and body shape with other women. Sex stretched beyond just the physical. 

I asked him to take away the shame I felt in openly talking about sex since I never really had anyone to discuss it with besides a bunch of college girls who were naïve and nervous about it. I wanted to be able to talk to my husband about it someday, and that someday was happening soon!

I asked him to get rid of all the crude and nasty jokes I heard about sex while growing up- just going to high school and hanging around with friends. As well as all the worldly images I had laid up in mind from movies and TV. Sex was much more sacred than they made it out to be. 

Indeed, God created sex between a man and a wife with a specific purpose in mind. A purpose far greater than anything I had ever thought, been told, or had seen. If sex was started in God’s wild imagination than I wanted to know how He saw it!

After being married one year, I can definitely agree with my mom, “There is more to marriage than just sex.” However, I am making new discoveries everyday of the grand purpose God had in mind when He created sex. The power it has to heal, restore, unite, and beautify a marriage is beyond what I ever imagined.

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