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SEX In Marriage

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I came across Charissa’s awesome blog, Blushing Bride’s Guide To __ __ __,  just last week.  I think this topic is something that is, many times, uncomfortable to talk about.  There is an appropriate way to discuss it, I think.  A discreet, and clean way.  The way that God intended it to be.  There is also a dirty, and inappropriate way.  I believe Charissa handles the topic so wonderfully!  

Charissa has set out on an adventure to define her life by her identity in Jesus Christ. In God’s eyes, the old life she once lived is dead {forgotten, gone forever, perished, at the bottom of the ocean} and new life has come {budding, flourishing, fresh, spotless}. Her eyes have beheld her Savior, tasted of His love, and heard His voice. She is convinced that she is His beloved and the apple of His eye. Jesus Christ is revealing His heart to her. He makes everyday an adventure that keeps her running into His arms {the only place where she will ever be satisfied}.

Do You Have His Perspective On Sex?
{married/engaged women only please}

Charissa writes…

Growing up, although I was naive and sheltered, I had this innate sense that sex was something very beautiful and worth waiting for until marriage. My parents never told me anything, at least nothing that I can remember. My mom and I only started talking about it only a few weeks before my wedding day.

We were driving in the car together probably on our way to pick up more wedding supplies and she asked, “Why do you need to read books on sex?” Obviously she had seen the books I was reading in my bedroom, “The Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds,” and “Sheet Music.”

“There is a lot more to marriage than that… it’s only part of it. Besides, there’s only one way to do it anyways.” 

After a few minutes of awkward questions and short answers, our conversation was over. I love my mom and have always known, despite the fighting and the tears, that her and my dad were, and are, best friends.

But her words got me thinking… why did I think sex was so important? Maybe she was right… I don’t need to read anything about it. Maybe I shouldn’t be… am I sinning? Am I reading about something that is so sacred that I should only let God reveal it to me once I am married? As a bride-to-be was I making a bigger deal out of it than I should? 

However, I just knew that sex was something deeply profound, spiritual, and not to mention, exciting! I was not reading out of sheer curiosity {although I was definitely intrigued}, I was reading so that God could begin to prepare my heart, mind, and body for the lifelong commitment I was making with my husband. I guess you could say, I did not just want a diploma in marriage, but as Gary Thomas wrote in his book, “Sacred Marriage,” I was working toward a PHd in my husband! 

I knew the wisdom I was searching for about sex and married life would not happen overnight. It certainly wouldn’t happen through just reading books, listening to sermons, or talking to older women. The mystery of marriage was far deeper than words could ever explain. The real lessons would begin after my husband and I said our vows, in the practical everyday experience of married life. 

However, I knew had to start letting go of all the incorrect views of sex that I had received along the years and allow God to give me His picture of it.

I asked Him to wipe away the images of my baby-sitter showing me a book on sexual positions that she had found in her parents study room. Sex was more than just pages of mechanical procedures. 

I asked him to remove the childish mindset I latched onto when my health teacher made the whole class say, “penis” out loud. Also in that same class sex I needed to erase the memories of all of us 16 year olds learning where the g-spot was on a woman… as if sex was just another casual, ordinary human function like going to the bathroom and any person at any age could handle it! 
I asked Him to help me release the shyness and extreme modesty I had that stemmed from the way my body looked. The endless years I engaged in of comparing boobs, skin, and body shape with other women. Sex stretched beyond just the physical. 
I asked him to take away the shame I felt in openly talking about sex since I never really had anyone to discuss it with besides a bunch of college girls who were naïve and nervous about it. I wanted to be able to talk to my husband about it someday, and that someday was happening soon!

I asked him to get rid of all the crude and nasty jokes I heard about sex while growing up- just going to high school and hanging around with friends. As well as all the worldly images I had laid up in mind from movies and TV. Sex was much more sacred than they made it out to be. 
Although I never had sex before I was married, it’s not to say I didn’t have my own issues to work through. There were perspectives and experiences on sex that needed to be stripped out of mind and heart so that I could lay bare before my husband without shame, embarrassment, guilt, or shyness.

Indeed, God created sex between a man and a wife with a specific purpose in mind. A purpose far greater than anything I had ever thought, been told, or had seen. If sex was started in God’s wild imagination than I wanted to know how He saw it!

After being married one year, I can definitely agree with my mom, “There is more to marriage than just sex.” However, I am making new discoveries everyday of the grand purpose God had in mind when He created sex. The power it has to heal, restore, unite, and beautify a marriage is beyond what I ever imagined.

Now that I am married this is one of the biggest lessons I am learning  : Sex is worth taking seriously! 

Whether you are married or not… What are some false perceptions you have of sex? How do you need God to help you see it His way?
Charissa also writes over at 

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Thanks for visiting!

Comments

  4. These are great reminders – even after being married for over 11 years I know I need to bring that godly perspective back to the marriage bed.
    Troop – Love the book Intimate Issues! 🙂

  6. Great post! Have you read the book “The Act of Marriage”? It is really good. I read it while my husband was deployed after 2 yrs of marriage and it truly changed the way I viewed the bedroom.

  7. We’ve been married 19 years and I see more and more every year the wonder and the beauty of the gift of making love with our spouse. I see it as such a gift from God, because He didn’t ‘need’ to give us this – it was out of His heart of love. Of course it is not the ‘be-all-and-end-all’ of marriage, but it is hugely important to cement bonds that are there; to strengthen bonds that are in danger of weakening; and to demonstrate how we feel for each other.
    It is difficult to talk about these things to many people because of what society has done to this wonderful gift God has given us. But we must not allow its corruption to spoil its beauty.
    Thanks for posting,
    Love, Anne x

  9. oh how cool that you posted on this and shared her thoughts. I’m excited to check out her blog! I love reading her godly take on marriage and even intimacy and what she’s learned about it after being married. I’m not sure what her mom meant “there’s only one way to do it” or she shouldn’t be reading about it. That’s like saying why should I read books about parenting….I’ll just learn as I go. I think God gave us godly people in our lives to share from for a reason to grow…but we definately need to take his word as #1 in our life and the most important and go to that first for our resource.

  10. This is certainly a topic I struggle with, especially since I did not grow up in a Christian home. I will be checking out this blog.
    It is something that I have greatly been struggling with in my marriage life lately. In fact, I have it on my list of posts that I want to create.