Traci Michele Photography

When we become Mommy, we instantly gain that dreaded worry gene. You know the one. Whether we like it or not, we shift over into protector mode, and our lives are forever stuck in that gear.

You’re turning into your Mother, some might say. It’s a trait that merges with your heart and barges right in to stay. Forever.

Last night was one of those – the world stops and your life flashes before you – moments in motherhood.

After soccer practice for my middle child, our almost 3 year old was playing around kicking the ball in the goal with his older brother and Daddy. He was having a great time, kicking the ball, making a goal, and raising his little chubby hands over his head, to cheer, YES, for himself when he proudly made a goal.

The next thing I know, he’s crying and laying under the goal. It wasn’t the normal every day cry, it was a cry that overwhelmed him and you could see the pain/fear in his little eyes. It’s frozen in my mind.

I ran over (not fast enough) and scooped his limp body up in my arms. Breathe! Breathe! What happened, I screamed!?

All I knew was to breathe little puffs of air at him like I did when he was an infant. The next thing I knew he was turning blue, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he passed out as I laid him on my mom’s lap.

Needless to say we all freaked out!

It seemed like an eternity but after about 10 seconds he woke up.

As a Mama to 3 children, that was the first time I’ve ever had such a scare. My whole body was shaking and the adrenaline gripped me and shook me and I couldn’t seem to calm down for hours.

We still don’t know what happened, but we think he hurt his knee and it was a breath holding spell as a natural response to pain/fear.

I can’t count the number times I checked on him during the night. Every time, he lay peaceful, his little hands folded over his chest, as it lifted and lowered, lifted and lowered, lifted and lowered.

Thank you, Jesus.

Each time I praised God for protecting my son.

Needless to say, I had trouble sleeping. I tossed and turned and the only thing I knew to do was recite these verses:

Philippians 4:6-7

New King James Version (NKJV)

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Each time I recited this from memory, as the darkness threatened to grip and overtake me, there was something miraculous that happened.

The peace of God guarded my heart and my mind. It’s in these moments when little parts of verses make sense and stand out. The “surpasses all understanding” really hit home. God’s peace is not something to be taken lightly. It’s simply amazing and a gift of His grace as a response to a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father. It can’t be explained in earthly terms, only Heavenly.

This experience also showed me something else. My kids really do love one another. No matter how much they fight and argue, when it comes right down to it, they love one another deeply.

My son Carson said to me last night, I would have cried so hard if Grant died. Bless his little tender heart.

My friend Kathleen said it well in a comment to this episode on facebook when I was having trouble sleeping:

Maybe it might help you to go check on your little guy, reflect on the day and what did NOT happen. Thank the Lord for His precious gift that is sound asleep with a peaceful heart. Trust and know that God has written this day of your life and Grant’s. The Lord has His hand on you and your family. trust in His goodness, love and plans for you all. You may not know why or what today was to mean in His perfect plan for you, but you can trust in the love He has for you and your family. For now, just peek in on the blessing you named Grant and rejoice in his slumber, the perfect trust and love of family and know that you are all held in the palm of the Almighty who protects and loves you! Close your eyes and sleep knowing that while you and your mom held Grant, the Lord was holding you. (Hugs). Being a Mommy is sometimes really hard emotionally when the unexpected happens. I pray often for wisdom, grace and rest. Blessings my friend.

10 things this experience reminded me of:

1. THANK the Lord for YOUR blessings.

2. TRUST and know that God has written your days and loves you.

3. DON’T dwell on what could have happened, thank God for what did happen.

4. KNOW that God holds you and your kids, when it’s out of your control.

5. No matter how we try to protect our kids, they are ultimately in God’s hands.

6. DON’T take a day or moment for granted.

7. CHERISH each day with your children.

8. PRAY for your children daily.

9. HAVE FAITH that God has the very best for them, even when you and I don’t know what that looks like.

10. GOD loves your children even more that our Mama hearts, and it’s just a glimpse of how He loves you and I!