Sitting at tables round, my eyes scan the room. I fidget in my chair that is uncomfortable, but not as much my insides. I pull tiny curl behind my ear, and fluff my shirt to hide the rolls that three babes have graced my body with.
I see thin women, the ones that eat and eat till they are blue in the face and seem to still look pretty and put together. I cringe with envy and my eyes hit the floor with guilt.
I think about how I ate that cupcake, with the frosting that is thick and gooey and how it must be sticking to my thighs this very moment. I imagine getting on scale that glares with red, UP THREE POUNDS.
My spirit sinks…
I use to be like this… a woman that felt condemned, never good enough, defined by food and body image and numbers and…
not anymore…
Christ continues to free me in this area. He has redeemed me and He calls me beautiful… big-boned and all. He crafted me, the painter-of-the-universe, and He calls me perfect. He held that brush, that made each curve that I call an imperfection, and He calls it beautiful.
He made you beautiful, dear sister. What has He gifted you to do? Do you feel defeated and condemned? This is not from Him. He wants you to live a life of freedom, because He paid for it all. It is not about us. It is all about Him, through us.
So stop looking into that mirror that causes your spirit to stoop… stop stepping on that scale and feeling the ugly shame that comes from it.
It is simply a frozen moment in time and you are far more beautiful than your realize. You are far more beautiful than you realize. You are far more beautiful…
Stop looking at that sister, whose house is perfect and put together, and yours is full of toys, and crumbs, and finger prints on clouded windows…
for you are living the life God gave you… right now… and He wants you to be joy-filled, and abundantly blessed by Him… the only one who can truly satisfy our emptiness.
I’m continuing to learn this thing of beauty… I’ve written about it before here and here and here. May God sanctify you in the areas that are making you more like Himself… for He says, it is He that works in you, both to will and to do of His good pleasure (Phil 2:13).
