This is Part 5 of a five day series: A Message To My White Friends- Practical Ways We Can Love Our Black Brothers and Sisters.

You can read Part 1 Here.

You can read Part 2 Here.

You can read Part 3 Here.

You can read Part 4 here.

If you’ve stuck around this week and read through these beautiful words . . . thank you. Maybe your eyes have been opened to what is still going on in America today.  Perhaps you’ve gained some insight into what our black brothers and sisters have and are still dealing with on a daily basis.

I know my eyes have been opened and I will be making changes going forward.  The overriding theme from many of these people’s voices have been to talk to our children about it. What will you and I do with this information? I hope we will do something about it.  It will look a little different for each one of us, but the important thing is that we become part of the solution. It will most likely be when no one else is looking.  When the protests have stopped, and you overhear a racist comment.  What will you do? When your own viewpoints have been tarnished with your own prejudices, how will you change those? What conversations will you have with your own children? Who will you have over within your home?

Today we will hear from Lara Capuano. She is a blogger, writer, speaker, and she also has her own podcast. You can find her on Instagram here. After reading her post here today, hop on over to and listen to her podcast: What Can White People Do About Racism on Spotify. You can also listen to it here. On Tuesday, Lara and Timotheus Pope will be having a candid conversation over on Instagram Live that you can listen to.

Don’t Believe Me

As a white woman raising black children, and as someone who has been outspoken about racial inequity and injustice long before I had black children, people seem to listen to me. I get messages from people saying that they’re listening and that they’ve learned a lot from my speeches, podcasts or blogs on this topic. I have realized recently that my proximity to blackness affords me some sort of street cred with white people. Because I am a white lady raising black sons, people believe me when I tell them about racist incidents or disparities that I observe.

While this is helpful when I am trying to make a difference, it is not lost on me how implicitly racist this is. For centuries, black women have wept over the hurt and harmed bodies of their children who have been brutalized in racially-motivated acts of violence. Yet, that same credibility so freely given to me, is not given to black ladies who have been raising black children since the beginning of time. So, here’s my first tip… don’t take my word for it. Start believing black women. Value, listen to, learn from black voices. Trust and believe lived experience. If we say that black lives matter, then black life experience must also matter. Trust me… there is nothing I could possibly share with you that hasn’t already been uttered by a powerful and credible black mother. So take THEIR word for it, not mine. 

Speak To Your Children About Race and Racism

If we do not intentionally shape our children’s views… the world will do it for us. We have the opportunity, the honor and the responsibility to educate a generation of kids who understand the nuances of race, culture, privilege and advocacy. In the powerful and challenging words of human rights lawyer and activist, Derecka Purnell, “It’s just… I am so sick and tired of the sensational question to Black parents: ‘What will you tell your black son to protect them from dying?’ when nobody asks white parents: ‘What do you tell your white children to stop them from killing?’” The burden of uprooting racist mindsets must fall on white shoulders. The responsibility of raising children to see color, appreciate it, and view others as equals IS our job. If we aren’t intentional about teaching justice, love and equality, we will unintentionally raise racist children. We must educate ourselves so we can educate our children. We must raise our white children, not to be white saviors, but to be allies and shields for our black children. 

Do not introduce racism to your white children without first steeping them in the excellence, beauty and magic of blackness

When we tell young children about racism, their tiny, young brains can’t fathom such hateful treatment. I truly believe that children cannot comprehend how people could be treated with cruelty simply because of the color of their skin. So, in order to make sense of this brutal truth, they look for reasons, differences and exceptions to justify the horrors of racism. Left to their own devices, children will only see differences as inferiorities. This is why it is crucial to celebrate the long, rich history of excellence among black individuals in our country. We must highlight, amplify and celebrate the contributions and achievements in every field. Scientific discoveries, inventions, theological contributions, literary works, athletic feats, artists, musicians, intellectuals, record-breakers, award-winners, history-makers… we cannot point out the mistreatment of people of color without also highlighting the tenacity, grace and sheer intellect of a people group who have overcome so much, risen above so much and have shaped our world history in countless, remarkable ways. Black history is all year long, and it must be more than slavery and civil rights. Black history is a history over overcoming, of empowerment, of excellence and beauty. Racism is tragic in and of itself, but teaching children to be non-racist isn’t enough… teaching kids to be anti-racist isn’t enough. We must teach our children to be pro-black as well.